i was always fairly adament id never feel the need to step foot on american soil, but since it was my hard earned bonus footing the bill, i thought hey why not. im glad i did. its weird, relatively, ive gone on alot of famils for someone who’s being doing this gig for what 20 months. from trainee to 2ic in 20 months. should be trainee for 2 years. proud.

the group was excellent, but you gotta expect that from a large group of 20. we filtered into our social niches and really got along well. it’s all a massive smudge now, but the details will filter through.

i guess the beginning was hitting family till half four, then being picked up at 5 and going to the aeroporto in super wrecked mode. i was out from brisbane to sydney, and most of the way over to LAX. economy class was passable, but it’s uncopasetic to my size. its like sleeping without really sleeping. even though i must have slept for 9 hours, it took at least another 2 nights to replenish the energy stocks.

first day saw us coaching around LA seeing the basic sights to get a grip on the fuck off super huge place. fucking insane. its all so bullshit, commercial designer talked up surreal bullshit. but its so cool at the same time. insignificant site inspections. C list stars in the corridors. Another round of drinks on the house, random dinner and crazy room party. mish.

next day we headed up to the sunset strip. saw viper room where River passed out from too much whatever it was. so many sites and clubs. this is the hotel where so and so through something out the window and it hit some other famous star’s ride. had a brunch with gospel show. big black people with big black people voices. impressive. house of blues. the afternoon was spent up along melrose ave between fairfax and la brea, uber trandy threads. super cool people. just what we like round here.

in the evening we were on the vip list at a few clubs, oh for the mad hookups. one was at the house of blues again where Xzibit was on show. we headed into the private VIP area. surreal. cigarettes are a no no inside. but they’re allowed to smoke chop. what the. its like being in some MTV cliched black RNB star video clip. all the ridiculously oversized and loud clothing with applicable bling, the lingo and the ‘hoes’. they all drink fosters too. that was a awesome talking point. from what i could make out, to them its like drinking coronas is to us.

our hotel was located slap bang in the middle of west holliwood, where 30% of the population is gay. i think that 30% lived around the hotel. the walk home was a mish. i never noticed the blatant use of rainbow prints and flags everywhere during the day. the winks and greetings filled with innuendo were not what i was wanting to immerse myself at 2am.

we started our training at UCLA, learning the basics about where what is and what the fuck it is. good stuff. then in the afternoon we hit the beaches area from San Pedro up to Santa Monica. Venice Beach was weird. Santa Monica was nice. Just like the movies.

same kinda thing next day, but headed to holywood and highland, checked out kodak theatre which is where the oscars are. there was an earthquake, about 3.5 or something. i could feel it. was surreal.

wednesday was final day of tuition and exam. i got 100%. and a certificate. i am a UCLA graduate. mad. then headed to universal studios. was ok. headed to staples for the LA Clippers v Bucks game. too many beers. i ended up filming the cheerleaders on the digital camera.

final day was bit more sight seeing and shopping. back up to melrose ave. picked up some 500 dollar denim for 130. it was surreal, i think the girl wanted some action. was all very under the tableish. hush hush. but the jeans are great. go well with the abercrombie and fitch. we headed to rodeo drive in beverley hills for some token window shopping. whilst crossing the road, i unknowingly gave Henry Winkler the ‘eyyyyy’ (at the request of my fellow travellers’. he eyyy’d me back. when i got over the other side, i asked, who the fuck was that. they told me who it was. was infintely funny. giving the fonz his own line without knowing who the fuck he was at the time.

only in LA.

the major drama coming home was that our of 20 of the group, 4 of us didnt get upped to busniess. i was one of them. bitter pill to swallow, as the old rule is, its all or none. i got over it as i slid into a exit row seat. i can sleep easily now on flights, thank fuck i have attained my fathers amazing ability to sleep at the drop of a hat. we work hard. thats it. everyone seem to be very despondant at the end of the trip. it was a good group, a damn good bunch of consultants.

my surreal, extraverted, edgy and fun personality seemed to intoxicate the rest of the group. i kinda felt little when leaving, but i think thats because ive done the goodbye thing quite a bit lately. aqquaintances so transitory. all part of the fun. you always say you’ll keep in touch, but it never happens. all part of the game.

adam, danni, despina, alex, geoff, randall and the rest; thanks for a fucking bangin super mega blinder 7 nights or whatever it was. what fucking day is it? i left on a thursday night, and that was last night, and its saturday night now? fuck me.

A wide open 9 months ahead. birthday in 7. Where the fuck am I at. its all different now after california.

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