xmas is such an extreme time. so many powerful and seductive opinions floating about, demanding irrational acceptance. wait, that’s the rest of the year too.

it sounds so kitch to say it (and therefore dreadfully out of character), but i’ve been courting a young lass over the past few weeks. of course im not well known for being one who is involved intimately with females too often, but this has been a unusually smooth experience. whilst my feelings are translucent, the precision of my tact with navigating the perils of intiating a relationship has suprised me, let alone everyone else. it’s been so natural and laid back, when it shouldn’t. this is a extremely unusual environment for me to be in.

an element of detachement from reality; and thus my use of translucent; has enveloped me. im so casual about it all i just seem to be even more aloof than ever before. that’s my failing. i’m not focussed on what i should be. my desires are now promiscuous, a far cry from what i was feeling a few months back. it’s not so much a desire, but a realisation of what one can obtain now with the new found esteem. i know deep down that once I get through new years, i should return to my old tricks. the seduction however is intoxicating and i can sense it is bluring my focus. knowing what we’re doing is right. that’s what i feel and i’ve never felt so good. and im going to fucking enjoy it.

it must be summer. ihe wireless is banging out another obligatory powderfinger number, washed down with an armada of pre mixed drink ministry of sound house cheese tracks. things are hot to touch, the bogans assemble en masse from the searing of their fat disgusting bodies in the mall. the kids go stupid this time of year. the fuckers park in my staff car park. fuck you.

the socio political climate is still simmering. some choose to agitate the broth, in order to cool the situation. but this of course has the reverse effect. if you handle the realities of your life like you do your trade, especially your trade dear friend, it won’t work. it just won’t.

my personal life is like a beautiful flower, but affected by some crazy toxin. whilst it holds a certain beauty, it’s unusual and irregular. things are out of whack, just ain’t in synch. t’m in control of my relations for once tho, with a bounty of esteem i can command what i want from myself and work with the others to gain a mutual benefit. it’s a sweet and satisfying experience for all involved. perhaps a crash awaits, but im sure their will be sufficient internal and external support. it’s one of those madly lush times of knowing what you are doing is right, whatever it is.

An exhilarating 2 weeks, then cruise in a month. Bonus!

Merry fucking kryzmas, fuckers.

may ligaya be my theme.

i ventured into the city to shop with trasha and co last night, before training to tkhq to appear at glenn’s bucks. qtr past nine and everyone was well on their way. a duo of brewskis before heading back to roma street to rendezvous with a new associate. she lifted me back home and we chatted and chilled till 3. it’s was an absolute pleasure. good value no bullshit conversation. plus a treat to look at, always the super mega fatty best value bonus.

like a frang’ on’a cock.

yeah, it kinda felt like that too… nice nice.

now that the unrelenting wash of the typhonic weekend has subsided i can reflect. its a struggle to comprehend it was almost a week gone. that ridiculous xmas party where i stuffed myself with exotic nibble bits (sounds rather provocative) and sweet cider kicked it all off.

a few of my compadres from the recent fling in europe were in attendance and their joy of seeing me was quite fanatical. nothing like being promoted as the nicest guy in the world in front of the head honchos of south east queensland’s travel industry.

i got the fuck out of there before half nine so i could get home and out with the people. i had a quick siesta, before pullin up the denim and on a vintage t and struttin my way into the valley. i was tired, i tried to fight it, but i was tired. my date with ferry was tarnished by fatigue, i just didnt enjoy it. such a shame, such a waste. the event received mixed reports so i don’t feel so bad.

the team rando boys trekked out to azlash’s domain on the river, chilling out and talking trash to the freshies untill well into the night. i was lifted into the city to rendezvous with my adventjah team. enroute, we encountered a young male, naked, with palm fronds in his hand, running around like a mad man. hilarity ensued.

as i entered the 35th floor apartment, the atmosphere was noticeably unusual. I guess I was mid-flight on my weekend itinerary and these cats were just startin the show. I was still tired but the energy of my crew rejuvenated me. We departed a few hours later for RNA, and returned around 6.

The night was a flash, a blur. I always have pangs of disappointment that it’s all over so soon, and that I was the majority of the evening schtompfen alone. I need to get with the people. I need to mingle and network, I gotta stop falling into the abyss of my own world and open up, get the fuck over it and say, hi, how are you. I don’t enjoy the regret of thinking, hey I could have done that.

We basked in the spa for a while, I met some randoms (see I can do that shit). Didn’t really click, but they thought I was chic. I can dig that. Grandpa hands forced me back up to the condo above, but I dropped into my new friends abode to say ciao, before getting dropped off home by laughing boy.

A quick change before shootin crosstown to meetup for a impromptu cruise down the coast. Lunch a 4? Must have been a blinder. Dropping by some friends on the way home, it was back to château de azlash for some brewskis and some movies. I passed out at this point, I noticed around 1 that they were watching blair witch with the freshies. Next thing I knew, it was morning and I was pulling on a shirt before being dropped back at the car so I could head home.

The details of the next 48 hours I’ll leave up to you, but the token buffet of emotional discomfort and doing my head in were prominent features. The perfect start to a week that has been, a real fuckin drag. It’s time to go underground.

there’s a whole lot of fucked up shit going on at the moment. whilst i’m not involved directly, it affects me. i don’t know what is going to happen, or which direction things will head because it’s all out of my hands. it’s fucking heavy and vindictive stuff. life isn’t fair, but then it has to be in someone’s favour at least. why the fuck can’t it be us/me for a change. hey don’t fucking get me wrong, i’ve got it fucking madly good, but for fucks sake, just a little give in our direction would be fucking lush.

:(

ferry ferry ferry ferry ferry ferry ferry ferry ferry ferry ferry ferry

my grand entrance into the pseudo Irish pub, with chic aviators on, collar loose and mobile in hand was met with necks turning and quick up down assessments. a quick sweep across the room showed the content of the area was extraordinarily satisfactory. i made my way to the bar.

sweet cider, the precursor to relaxation. bullshit conversation regarding current occupational levels with compatriots from the brand, before sliding into the first group. a witty remark regarding the nibbles and an introduction glazed with a brilliant smile had them in awe. my main mission was of course to negotiate the information i needed to infiltrate the superb collection of brunettes in the corner.

these kids were great, fun and energetic. such a change to the middle aged married dynamics i encounter every day. i continually scanned the room to keep tabs on the atmosphere, continually met with flirtatious glances and flicked hair. such an incredibly unusual situation. so this is what it’s like for them. a quick rebound to the same branded group before entering the ultimate crowd of brunettes.

i’m not sure if it was the genuine interest or irrefutable level of flirting that had me buzzing. she kept on brushing up against me, glanced deep and her posture was open to me. what was this place? even though i was navigating the course of action i felt lost. it was hard to balance my attention as they all were open to me. bewilderment. casual discourse and more of that touching. i questioned my ability to gain her future contact and realised i had no apprehension. infact, the guarantee i would ask her for her number, in my mind, was sensationally provocative.

the band finished it’s second set. the lead seemed to be receiving similar attention to myself. i was growing tired, the drinks slowing me down. i’d been interacting in a similar fashion with another of the troupe, but my focus was elsewhere.

i bided them farewell and made my way to the other side of the room to implement my new found abilities. she was conversing with a camp coworker, and separated by an absurdly large pizza, i said goodbye, joked id call her at work. she seemed to reach out as if to embrace, but the distance was of course too great. i could see her genuine discontent that i was leaving, i could sense a yearning. strange again. unfortunately the flow and tact of my departure did not correspond with a more intimate farewell. an opportunity squandered by my inabilities, or perhaps just delayed.

far from head over heels, i felt slightly more analytical. i underestimate my value and need to exploit it. a stepping stone encounter to boost and promote. a sign of things to come, and come they will.