saturday night at sun city was pure goodness. team rando in full flight. the weekend we have been waiting for is coming. ferry and adventjah. oh yeah.
what an unusual time of my life. im kind of bewildered by the pace and ferocity of the social immersion. although i take myself to be someone who is sensitive and aware to the vibrations of social politics, the darker side of things i feel i am rather naive. on and on i find myself going, oh, i see how that goes now. it’s so obvious alot of the time, but i just don’t know the rules. im so affluent with many things, but i seem to be so retarded and aloof to this different scheme of socialisation. there is a extraordinarily strong desire in me, one i’ve never had to deal with before. i still feel way behind the game, a late bloomer if you will, but it frustrates me to see others in the thick of it all brush away oppotunities with an arrogant drive for better things. and then get them too.
i ended my career as a rampant individualist a while ago in order to open myself to new things in a review of personal policy. it left me open to a crash in esteem, which of course mind you has been rebuilt. there is now a void which i have opened up to be filled by another or others, and don’t get me wrong, it’s ‘half full’. but at the end of the day this perpetual disfunction of bitter singularity leaves such an aweful flavour of distaste.
but fuck that shit off, let’s just get on with it.
baby gee played the original version of sunday afternoon by robert gitelman on friday night. this song, i have waited to hear at family for 12 months. it was an absolute epiphany. i thanked him when we were leaving at close.
friday night was special. lot’s of tension before hand, but when the night ticked on, it was an absolute blinder. the core party crew were there, the music was tip top and the croud was spot on. smiles all round.
and now, it’s sunday afternoon. i’ve relocated my old computer to my parents lounge, infront of the TV (it’s been dormant since the beginning of the year). chilling out to gouryella - ligaya. recounting the events of the past 3 days is taxing.it feels like now it was a night where something came to fruition, but at the time it felt like it was just another step. i’ve stumbled out onto the flipside and feel lost.
i am feeling better about things in general now, making steps forward. it’s just that unknown of how far you can go. gotta get that philosophy of ‘what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail’ into my head.
so lost, yet so found.
gouryella - ligaya
travelling somewhere. could be anywhere. there’s a coldness in the air, but I don’t care. we drift deeper. life goes on. we drift deeper.
into the sound.
tonight. as the rush comes. the legacey. tiefenrausch.
went out to family last night with shona. finally met brad, top bloke and lucky guy. they are party people. work has been a mega mish, but 4 hours sleep doesnt help. i had a top time. pity it was fluffy last night. i really got sick of telling a white lie to gay guys of im there with my girlfriend so they’ll leave me the fuck alone. sleazy men are bad, sleazy gay men are bader. but decent tracks and once i got into things and ignored the hommas it was apples. bring on friday night punks.