Armin Van Buuren is coming to Brisbane.

YES
YES
YES.

another day at work. Well not really. Allow me to explain, fucker. Recently, I’ve been checking my email once an hour and now and then ircing from work. irc is bad at work. boss caught me doing it again, big trouble. so i feel badness. i only checked email once today. didnt browse a single forum. we’ve gone over our quota too, so there is cost involved. but forums dont leech 1gb over a month, the chick next to you looking at wedding related pictures for hours does. it makes it 10x harder to fill the time tho, but i just dont have enough to completely fill 8 hours. id much prefer to be rushed off my tits than feel like im a costly assest. and thats how i feel, like im not doing enough. its the same kinda sick despiration that you find in glengarry glen ross or whatever the fuck it’s called. i do feel good for not using the net at all at work, and being valid. but i do hope i can keep it up.

fuckin yes. it’s almost thursday, which i credit with being the first day of the weekend. so my week seems to go from tuesday to wednesday then is basically over, but i guess in a way that means i work on the weekend but who fuckin cares,

weekend is fucking state of mind.

Benny Benassi album, how can all the songs sound so similar!

Denim, where have you been all my life?

big phat juicy motherbitch weekend.

wwyhmd? –lcf, 2002

I’m listening to Paul_van_Dyk-Live_at_Energy_2003-08-10-2003. It’s a fantastic live ste, just how I like em. Bangin’ and trancey. I’ve just eaten dinner, chicken schnitzel, chips, lettuce and tomatos with ranch sauce. All of which I have provided from my own money, which makes me feel proud.

There is a major group assignment due this friday, we’ve started, but haven’t really put pen to paper yet. I think it will be a late one tonight. I do start work tomorrow at 11:30am, but I don’t think well at night. I’m sure it will be fine.

Once it’s out the way, I’ll feel alot better. I am feeling a little edgy at the moment. Work wise, I haven’t been selling as much as I would like, or like to think I could/should. Everyone else at work seems happy though. I haven’t been feeling good about myself recently, lower and lower self esteem. I’m pretty sure it’s tied in with the frustration of feeling unattractive, boring, bland and not being able to pull. Then I think about it all, and realise “a relationship just isn’t top of the pops at the moment“. I then feel better and realise I’m not all the negative things I think I am.

I don’t need the internet anymore.

I’ve been going out quite a bit, staying out late, not caring about tomorrow. In the past I’ve done this, but always with due care for the following day. While this is all good, I think I’ve missed out on things in the past because of this. I never reall enjoyed going out, I never got from it what I wanted. Always felt let down after I came home. Now, when ever I think of the next time that I will go out I smile.

When I think of the next time I am going to FAMILY with Paul and Carla, I smile and feel great. We always have a great time. We don’t do it often, as to keep it as a special occation. Some people know that I have made some major swings in my morals in the past few month and have tried to have a go at me for this. I had changed, I felt comfortable and I am glad I did it. I’d love to share every little bit of how good it all was, explain why I made such a massive change, but this isn’t an appropriate time or place. I’m enjoying life and feeling better about myself now because of it. I’ve let go at the right time. And I know, no one cares, but me.

Although I am well aware the cost of my letting go may catch up with me, the gains I have felt will put me well infront of any quasi-costs. I’m living well, but doing it tough. Naturally my disposible income has become less, and over the past months I’ve had alot of unexpected outlays. That’s what it’s all about. I’ve had worse and I have so much to look forward to, in the short term.

This, in a way is what worries me deep down. I’ve run out of plans for the moment, although I deeply want to travel, I don’t have anyway of doing it in the forseeable future. I have no real career goals, just finish uni then… But I think the reason for this is so I can finally enjoy myself and live when I can. It’s always a great feeling to be moving, thats what I’m all about. Waiting is the worst.

My home is in the journey.

so very very boned.

All I have is this little smile.